dear j

[ Just a Heads Up.. I re-read this post and made changes making it more concise..]

I came to you to talk to you about something hard I was going through and you were a bad listener.
I ended up walking away from you feeling more hurt than I was before talking to you and regretted the vulnerability I exposed to you.
What did you do wrong?,, Ermm Everything.?!
You kept interrupting me and asking me questions. *(Someone in tears splurging out their emotions is not in the mental state to have a calm, logical conversation. Their emotions are spilling like an overflowing pot on the stove.) …So it was incredibly frustrating to attempt to talk through your inquiries and offers of advice. You didn’t care when I told you straight up, I don’t want advice right now, I just want an ear to listen. (I wasn’t asking for advice!!!)-You weren’t hearing me. You were listening to reply instead of what I needed you to do, just LISTEN-SILENTLY. You wanted to help BUT I didn’t ASK FOR IT! And you were upset that I didn’t care about what you were saying or want to hear your thoughts. I came to you and you made the conversation about you. Sadly I hurt your ego by not being the listener this time. Despite the fact that I value your opinions etc. I wasn’t there to hear you talk and that shouldn’t insult you, its a plain fact. -It made me incredibly irritated that you expected me to be sorry for standing up for myself as I had to repeatedly do when I was trying to refuse your advice and comments. I wanted to empty my thoughts entirely before hearing your thoughts. It wasn’t a discussion. It was..  (well my attempt) me overflowing and just getting it out. You didn’t comprehend that I guess and that was disappointing to say the least~ It was why I left abruptly became angry and I was in no place to handle the annoyance you were causing me. You didn’t respect that I asked you just to let me cry and let my emotions out.
The whole experience made me feel defeated because you were clueless about what you did and it made me lose trust in your compassion and communication skills.
Something in me changed after that day. I can still say I look up to you but Ill never forget that I cant depend on you for everything.


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