dear j

Something i know now… just think about it

-sometimes when u see that someone comes to you about an issue, the very most important thing to do is to just sit there and listen with as much compassion u have….
it can upset people when they are interrupted by the listener asking for more details…
-this is because the person just wants to get everything off their chest without having to diverge into irrelvant facts… (i know you didnt do this on purpose, – but it set me off for reasons outlined above)

When someone comes to you about something, [and remember how upset as i was] they need you to just do that-listen…

You need to let the person let it all out- its about -them- [they are hurt, they need a shoulder, they need trust]
its not about you getting your questions answered right- (please dont
take this in the wrong tone either) maybe it was hard for u to comprehend how upset i was- i know u didnt mean to upset me either
-i was at a ranting hurt state where i wasnt in the midset of being able to calmly present my information…-im only human-
-also, if you ask someone a question they dont want to answer, respect it and let them explain later if they choose, its not like you have the right to know
and i mean, also when (you’ve lost all patience, your crying, and desperate) think of times where you meet your brink of frustration and have no one to talk to about it, and than you go to someone and pretty much, as selfish as it sounds, you are trusting them, and their heart because you feel they will be someone to listen to you and hear you

and most of all, understand their pain- thats what i needed… i saw u messaged me and i jumped on the oppurtunity to confide in you making you the first person to talk to when i was in the worst of pain… because you mean a lot to me and i felt you understand me in a way most people dont

…i tried to explain on the phone (today when u called) but u were prodding with grudge to get an apology right than and there!- it was a abrasive and hurtful
-to expect it like that makes me have no trust in your compassion
-im pretty sure you know i give an apology when its granted… and really, i didnt want to dive into that subject with the first words that came out of my mouth when u called me

–it doesnt work that way for me… i was trying to be patient but u started on me and i couldnt be calm anymore…
—-i guess it might be harder to have the patience to just sit and listen when the person is a sibling or w/e….

i sincerely..just want you to know this about me, how i communicate (how there are similarities like this in other people)
-would you agree that theres special types of people who are really good listeners…. and what makes them so easy to talk to?

Maybe you would agree that its rude to be asking me and expecting an apology from me as soon as i call you… it seemed you were too grudged up for me to even delve into an apology that i had on my mind

-When you personally think someone may deserve an apology from you, im sure it doesnt make you trust them if they do this same thing to you- deviously expect it

you need to let people find a time when they are comfortable talking with you to say what they may want to say-i think this deserving attitude is selfish and pompous- you cant judge a person when you dont understand them completely… u dont know what they have gone through and i beleive people like this deserve the chance give an apology with the comfort of knowing they wont expect a claw in the face following their apology
-if someone is apologizing with complete sincerety, dont you think they at least deserve that much?
-plus another thing that em and i talked about before, …sometimes you wont get the apologies-weather you deserve them or not is irrelavant…
-its not good to waste your energy
and some only strive to feel someones shame- those with malicious attitudes
-sometimes it makes you happy to forgive the person anyway-its a way of understanding and letting things go
-people will shit on you every day but do you walk around crying because no one is saying sorry? -if people want to be miserable its their own misery- like the people at work -some of them are miserable and what do i need to do, i dont need to plot revenge, i dont need to stoop to their level- i forgive and love them anyway… i stand my ground when needed but i dont vie for the satisfaction of seeing them hurt by getting back at them-if someone is that  stuck in misery, why add to it
–karma exists but its not under the control of people- and for some people, it seems; they try to justify their actions by doing something to contol someones karma- ie: ” Rawr! ill piss in her cereal today-and ill just call it karma”
karma doesnt mean “what goes around comes around, it simply synonyms the fact that theres always consequences for your actions.

i hope you understand what im getting at…i didnt want it to be in a letter but i needed to talk to you without an interjection….

i know u want an apology but first i need you to understand all that
i thought talking to you in person would be more fitting for this though

Thanks for hearing me out…just think about it if you dont completely understand-sometimes i dont know how to accurately explain the way i feel in a way for people to completely understand
^haha does that make sense
– i just know that i think very differently than other people sometimes

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